If you kind of clench the back of your throat and blow air out slow, almost growling, you can imitate this sound. If you can snip your tongue to the edge of your gums and lips, you can crackle just as the fire did. Rumble, down in your stomach. Without much effort, you can imagine what we were doing here. Smiling. Pat on the backing. Happily projecting.
Like everybody does.
We have a language full of dirty words like a tool box. Screwdriver. Phillip’s head. Good for you Phillip. Nails. Screws. Socket. Stud-finder. Okay. Daddy doesn’t want help with his tools anymore.
Let me do this for you. I’m not a plumber, or an electrician, or a roofer, or a carpenter.
I’m a writer.
Let me set you straight. If you’re reading this, you’re currently caught up in a process we call life. No matter what you have been told, there is no assurance you will ever have another one. You’re not alive on accident, and you’re not alive without stipulation. You, or someone close to you, has been doing a lot of work to maintain you in this state. Alive. For just the one time.
You’re saying things you heard on TV. We know. We heard it too. You’re saying them to people who are speaking about things they did not see on TV, things they lived through, decisions they have made.
Television has been lying to you.
It’s debilitating. Isn’t it. Narcissism.
Exhaustive. Anxiety-ridden. Too.
Often I have overheard fragments of directed conversation.
They say he. But I hear me. Cut to two hours later.
I’m white knuckling a pen just laden, damn near buried
under the weight of a thousand hypotheticals
invented out of thin air. Been on a diet.
Some time now. Full on eating clouds.
Choked down then shit out like white flakes. Just for me.
This joke this guy just told.
What’s the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea.
He was so convinced without the lead up, the couple beside us,
could not be offended, that he just said.
I would never let a garbanzo bean do that on my head.